Ten years ago…if you were to tell me that 30 would mean drag queen parties and tattoo dates with my mom, I would have nothing to say to you. You’re clearly a weirdo who doesn’t know me.

…flash forward.

It’s been close to one month of me being 30. That could sound like a little or a lot depending on the person reading this. It could be daunting to think anyone could be so old (I get it. I was you once…all those years ago..). Or it could ignite an eye roll over such dramatics, or a light chuckle.. the warm memory of what that year felt like. Or maybe you’re new to the Three-Oh yourself; in which case, welcome! and thank you. We’ll get through this together, it’ll be fun.

It’s strange to be 30 in 2017. I’m much more sure about the things that keep me happy and healthy, and I’m having more fun than I could ever anticipated. There’s just one thing I haven’t grasped onto yet, though I’m not sure I want anymore..

I haven’t been “comfortable” yet. I have so much to learn and explore, that I can’t sit still. That’s not what I was expecting at 30. Do you know what I expected? Well, at 20 or 21, it was marriage, a house, a car, the suburbs, a kid (I guess) and all the “comfort” that comes with being a full grown adult. No mention to whether or not wanted those things; it was just what was expected of myself at LEAST by 30..

I only have a couple of those things, and I’m downright thankful. I didn’t know what I wanted at the time, but I knew what other people had before me, and that drove me in my early 20s. I hate to say it, but I surely could not have been the only one.

The things I have only came because of the work I put in to have them. The things I don’t have were also conscious decisions. In other words: people change, priorities change. The rub, however, is the fact that adults tell you these things are important for YEARS, creating a cute little complex when it’s time to have things of your own.

So here I am. 30 years old. Having the time of my life and STILL questioning if it’s well deserved.

Did I mention I was neurotic at birth?

Shoes: Converse Skirt: H&M Bodysuit: American Apparel Denim Jacket: Lucky Brand Co.

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