Or ‘Game Over’..
I once had a young woman tell me I’m ‘done’-now that I’m married. She included that there there was nothing to worry about for me anymore. I no longer have to ‘figure out’ things, not on my own at least…
I was horrified by this for a number of reasons:
- Holy shit, I’m supposed to know stuff?
- I’m obviously not talking about myself enough. This girl thinks I have no hobbies
- Seriously, was that a compliment or a dig? Both??
- Does our society still believe in the archaic notion of marriage as the beginning of the end?
When I was hearing this, it was at a pivotal time in a year of many changes for me. In the summer of 2015, I was not yet sure of my career goals, but I was actively pursuing something major. I’m not ashamed to say at 28, I’m still learning the numerous attributes I posses, and will continue to nurture (It’s the wanderer in me). I took a step out of my introverted state to mingle, to network, to connect. Also, my level of health and wellness was nearing very close to a goal I set nearly 3 years prior. All of this and more, and not one of those things were in relation to my marital status.
There isn’t anything about my husband I can oversell. He is a master in his art, as he is in all of its glory, a true artist. As a photographer, he excels in vision. He sees the beauty in the unremarkable, and as an art lover, I understood him instantly. I met an intelligent, ambitious and progressive human, who chose me 10 years ago next month. I have the strongest person I could ask for standing beside me, BUT let us not forget…who he has beside him..
There are many reasons for our union, but it being accidental is not one of them. That being said, our individual attributes are just that. We are individuals who thrive on the journeys we take. Through that, we share a common bond to encourage and nurture each other’s individuality. I don’t know what marriage is like for anyone else, but I do know mine, and it’s perfect for us.*
I’m bothered not by the assumption that two people must rely on one another in marriage, that’s warranted. But the assumption that two people must rely on one another for happiness, and even further- wholeness. I always happy, but I will need to experience so many more things before I’m ready to say I’m whole or ‘done’. And I hope I never get there. We help each other along in our individual journeys and celebrate each others’ victories. I won’t rag on how other people love. This is the kind of partnership I’ve always wanted. I was never going to be a ‘kept’ wife. I like to argue far too often. I urge anyone to seek what they want, and don’t compromise what’s important to you. Don’t settle once you’ve reached your goal, because it’ll slip away as soon as you get comfortable. That goes for anything.
Even our millennial generation holds viewpoints outdated, yet still pervasive in our current society (But that’s for another post). I don’t blame her for her insight, only on the assumption that every marriage is the same. But let me also make it clear, that I do not and NEVER HAVE thought a woman needs a significant other for any reason. I told my husband early in our relationship that I cared deeply for him but didn’t need him for anything (seems harsh now, but I meant it and I still believe in loving myself first).
She had no idea I was a badass, and for that, I’ll just have to make my presence known a little louder.